The Ing-Kay and I


In a half-hearted attempt to evade the censors, I will tell the following all-too-true story in code:

In I-land-Tay, there is an Ing-Kay, named Umeepon-Bay. He is worshiped almost like a god. He has arguably been a pretty good Ing-Kay. He seems genuinely concerned with the people and is famous for his development work in poor rural areas. However he has been inconsistent in his promotion of greater Emocracy-Day in I-land-Tay.

Sadly, no one has anything good to say about the Ing-Kay’s Un-Say and Air to the Thrown. The reputation of the Air to the Thrown is that of a hedonistic playboy, erratic and cruel, with a gambling addiction. And most of the time he doesn’t even live in I-land-Tay. His political sympathies may be different than his dad’s. Different groups within I-land-Tay will be affected differently from any sort of transition after the Ing-Kay, excuse me, I-Days, which could happen any day now. The Ing-Kay is very sick. I-land-Tay is supposed to be an Emocracy-Day and the Ing-Kay is supposed to be just a figurehead. However, I-land-Tay leads the world in number of Ilitary-May Oo-Kays, about one every 6 or 7 years. Governments chosen by the people last for a short or long period until the Ilitary-May finds a reason to overthrow them (always for the good of the country, of course). Another Oo-Kay happened again just last week. A short or long time after each Ilitary-May Oo-Kay there will be another EE-LEK-SHON . . . and the cycle repeats.

The Ing-Kay has to approve each new government created by the Oo-Kays. One suspects he has preapproved a number of the Oo-kays. Thus, the Ing-Kay has had much more power than it appears. So the On-ark-May is not just a figurehead. He is an integral piece of I-land-Tay political history and significant to its future.

But the people of I-land-Tay can’t openly discuss their history or their future because there is an anti-blasphemy law in effect. You can’t insult the Ing-Kay or the Air to the Thrown or you will be sentenced to Ail-Jay for 3 to 15 years. I know someone it happened to.

Fine, you may think. Why would you even want to insult an Ing-Kay who is not that bad a guy? It would be like stomping on someone’s flag, and why stomp on a flag? Well, the problem is that “insulting the Ing-Kay” is interpreted very broadly. Two days ago on facebook, I myself was accused of insulting the Ing-Kay because I said, “Ooo-Kays are not Emocracy-Day.” I swear to you, that’s all I said.

Anti-blasphemy laws are wrong and wreak havoc on a country. As I mentioned, I-land-Tay had another Ilitary-May Oo-kay just last week. The new Ilitary-May government at the moment I write this has about a hundred people detained for criticizing the Ing-Kay and/or the Oo-kay.

Why am I, an American, writing in code about I-land-Tay? Because I risk losing friends, connections, and access to I-Tay websites if I don’t write in code. Unlike most foreigners with connections to I-land-Tay, I already know I can’t go back. Most foreigners understandably keep silent because they still need access to I-land-Tay for business or vacations or because they have need to visit family there.

You can get almost the complete story on I-land-Tay from Western news services, minus the part about the Ing-Kay. Just google “I-land-Tay” in English and you will find reliable, though partly self-censored, information. I encourage you to look into it.

And the moral of the story? It is a bad idea to worship anyone as a god. It is disastrous to make it mandatory.

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